{"id":12703,"date":"2019-12-28T06:15:19","date_gmt":"2019-12-28T12:15:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/?p=12703"},"modified":"2019-12-22T13:06:45","modified_gmt":"2019-12-22T19:06:45","slug":"how-parents-are-keeping-children-from-becoming-the-next-generation-of-leaders","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/2019\/12\/how-parents-are-keeping-children-from-becoming-the-next-generation-of-leaders.html","title":{"rendered":"How Parents are Keeping Children from Becoming the Next Generation of Leaders"},"content":{"rendered":"
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How do we as parents set our kids up to lead into the future? Photo via USDA<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

By Paula Jensen<\/p>\n

It seems I have almost always been interested in leadership.\u00a0 My parents modeled leadership as I was growing up through their active roles in community, church, and school.\u00a0 I joined 4-H at the age of eight, was called a \u201cring-leader\u201d as an elementary student (which I don\u2019t think this was a compliment<\/em>) and continued to take on leadership roles throughout high school, college and beyond.\u00a0 But my most important leadership role is as a parent. Through this role I\u2019ve learned that all the wisdom and love in the world doesn\u2019t necessarily protect any of us from parenting in ways that could potentially hold our children back from thriving, gaining independence and becoming the leaders they have the potential to be.<\/p>\n

I was intrigued as I read an article by\u00a0Dr. Tim Elmore<\/a> and learned about how we as parents are keeping our children from becoming the next generation of leaders that are needed in this world. \u00a0The article shared seven\u00a0harmful parenting behaviors that keep our children from becoming leaders \u2013 of their own lives and of the world they will live in:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. We don\u2019t let our children experience risk \u2013\u00a0<\/strong>We live in a world that warns us of danger and mistrust at every turn. The \u201csafety first\u201d preoccupation constantly reinforces our fear of losing our kids, so we do everything we can to insulate them from healthy risk-taking behavior and it\u2019s had an adverse effect. Kids need to fail a few times to learn it\u2019s normal.<\/strong> If parents remove risk from children\u2019s lives, we will likely experience high arrogance and low self-esteem in our growing leaders.<\/li>\n
  2. We rescue too quickly \u2013\u00a0<\/strong>Today\u2019s generation of young people has not developed some of the life skills kids did 30 years ago because adults swoop in and take care of problems for them. When we rescue too quickly and over-indulge our children with \u201cassistance,\u201d we remove the need for them to navigate hardships and solve problems on their own. It\u2019s parenting for the short-term and it sorely misses the point of leadership\u2014to equip our young people to do it without help. Sooner or later, kids get used to someone rescuing them: \u201cIf I fail or fall short, an adult will smooth things over and remove any consequences for my misconduct.\u201d When in reality, this isn\u2019t even remotely close to how the world works, and therefore it disables our kids from becoming competent adults.<\/li>\n
  3. We rave too easily\u00a0<\/strong>\u2013 Kids quickly observe that Mom and Dad are the only ones who think they\u2019re awesome when no one else is saying it. They begin to doubt the objectivity of their parents; it feels good in the moment, but it\u2019s not connected to reality. When we rave too easily and disregard poor behavior, children eventually learn to cheat, exaggerate and lie.<\/li>\n
  4. We let guilt get in the way of leading well \u2013\u00a0<\/strong>Your kids will get over the disappointment of you telling them \u201cnot now\u201d or \u201cno\u201d, but they won\u2019t get over the effects of being coddled. Let them fight for what they really value and\u00a0need<\/em>. As parents, we tend to give them what they want when rewarding our children, especially with multiple kids. When one does well in something, we feel it\u2019s unfair to praise and reward that one and not the other. This is unrealistic and misses an opportunity to enforce the point to our kids that success is dependent upon our own actions and good deeds. Be careful not to teach them a good grade is rewarded by a trip to the mall. If your relationship is based on material rewards, kids will experience neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.<\/li>\n
  5. We don\u2019t share our past mistakes\u00a0<\/strong>\u2013 Healthy teens are going to want to spread their wings and they\u2019ll need to try things on their own. We as adults must let them, but that doesn\u2019t mean we can\u2019t help them navigate these waters. Share with them the relevant mistakes you made when you were their age<\/strong> in a way that helps them learn to make good choices. (Avoid negative \u201clessons learned\u201d having to do with smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.) Also, kids must prepare to encounter slip-ups and face the consequences of their decisions. Share how you felt when you faced a similar experience, what drove your actions, and the resulting lessons learned. Because we\u2019re not the only influence on our kids, we must be the best influence.<\/li>\n
  6. We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity \u2013<\/strong>\u00a0Intelligence\u00a0<\/em>is often used as a measurement of a child\u2019s maturity, and as a result parents assume an intelligent child is ready for the world. That\u2019s not the case. Some professional athletes and Hollywood starlets, for example, possess unimaginable talent, but still get caught in a public scandal. Just because giftedness is present in one aspect of a child\u2019s life, don\u2019t assume it pervades all areas. There is no magic \u201cage of responsibility\u201d or a proven guide as to when a child should be given specific freedoms, but a good rule of thumb is to observe other children the same age as yours. If you notice that they are doing more themselves than your child does, you may be delaying your child\u2019s independence.<\/li>\n
  7. We don\u2019t practice what we preach \u2013\u00a0<\/strong>As parents, it is our responsibility to model the life we want our children to live. To help them lead a life of character and become dependable and accountable for their own words and actions. As the leaders of our homes, we can start by only speaking honest words \u2013 white lies will surface and slowly erode character. Watch yourself in the little ethical choices that others might notice, because your kids will notice too. If you don\u2019t cut corners, for example, they will know it\u2019s not acceptable for them to either. Show your kids what it means to give selflessly and joyfully by volunteering for a service project or with a community group. Leave people and places better than you found them, and your kids will take note and do the same.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Raising children who are strong independent leaders is not about their happiness today, but about their readiness for their many tomorrows. The truth is, parents who are able to focus on tomorrow, not just today, produce better results.<\/p>\n

    How can we as parents move away from these behaviors that are holding our children back?<\/h2>\n

    It\u2019s important for us as parents to become exceedingly self-aware of our words and actions when interacting with children. Care enough to train them, not merely treat them to a good life. Coach them, more than coddle.\u00a0 And try these 10 ideas as a starting point:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Talk over the issues you wish you would\u2019ve known about adulthood.<\/li>\n
    2. Allow them to attempt things that s-t-r-e-t-c-h them and even let them fail.<\/li>\n
    3. Discuss future consequences if they fail to master certain disciplines.<\/li>\n
    4. Aid them in matching their strengths to real-world problems.<\/li>\n
    5. Furnish projects that require patience, so they learn to delay gratification.<\/li>\n
    6. Teach them that life is about choices and trade-offs; they can\u2019t do everything.<\/li>\n
    7. Initiate adult-like tasks such as paying their own bills or making business deals.<\/li>\n
    8. Introduce them to community mentors in an area of interest to them.<\/li>\n
    9. Help them envision a fulfilling future, and then discuss the steps to get there.<\/li>\n
    10. Celebrate the progress they make toward independence and responsibility.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Video: Connecting with Kids<\/h2>\n

      SaveYour.Town created a video to show how they connect with kids and help them to play a role in shaping the future of their town. The Connecting with Kids<\/em> video is available at SaveYour.Town<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        By Paula Jensen It seems I have almost always been interested in leadership.\u00a0 My parents modeled leadership as I was growing up through their active roles in community, church, and school.\u00a0 I joined 4-H at the age of eight, was called a \u201cring-leader\u201d as an elementary student (which I don\u2019t think this was a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":101,"featured_media":13184,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,31,8,19],"tags":[259,525,192,360,157,481],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/USDA-youth-meal-Eagle-Butte-SD-Native-Indian-Country.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12703"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/101"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12703"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12703\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13407,"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12703\/revisions\/13407"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12703"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12703"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smallbizsurvival.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12703"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}